NICU Week 4 - Be Patient

  This week has been 'boring' as the doctors say. Just a normal week of feedings and care every 3 hours, baths on Tuesdays and Fridays, weighing every night, and measurements on Sundays. As of today, Nathan is 3lbs 9.7oz and 16.5 inches long! He came off his oxygen again 2 days ago and is doing great.

   We are in a regular routine of my husband(Jacob) and I visiting. We try to be there for his baths and his care throughout the day. Jacob works in Lafayette 2 days a week as a transport EMT, so he's at the NICU anytime he doesn't have a call. I can only be at the hospital daily from 8am-1pm, while the other kiddos are in school. I know all the daytime nurses, Jacob knows more of the nighttime nurses since he's there more throughout the night. It's weeks like this in the NICU that don't seem as hard as past weeks. Don't get me wrong, it's still tough, leaving and living. But we're all just letting Nathan do his thing, grow and develop more. Which, he is doing a fabulous job at, might I add!

    I started going back to therapy again this week. I had taken a break since having Nathan but knew I needed to get back to it. Once a week, or every 2 weeks, for over a year with the same therapist, two years total, I have an hour-long therapy session. Honestly, I enjoy therapy now, but it hasn't always been that way. To begin with, therapy was very rough for me. Now, I love having that one consistent person to talk to about things, someone who will keep me accountable for my thoughts and actions. 

If you have considered therapy and haven't ''gotten to it'' yet, I HIGHLY recommend doing so!

    Besides therapy, I stay in my bible. I don't do a study so to speak, but I stay in God's word. For me, it helps in a lot of different ways. Anxiety, depression, parenting, and loving my spouse just to name a few. My way of studying is looking up verses that pertain to how I'm feeling that day, or how to deal with thoughts I'm having, plus my daily devotional. It may not be the 'correct' way to study the Bible, but I say there is no correct way! As long as you're in God's word, I don't think it matters.

    Weeks like this one, where everything and everyone feels silent, kind of get to me. But I've learned over the past few years that in the silence is when God is working. Up until the past year or so, it was hard for me to be alone in the silence. My anxiety would get the best of me and it still does some days. But I've learned to be still and to give it to God. Of course, sometimes I think God would like for me to be a bit more still, and I'm almost positive he would tell me to stop taking back what I give him but hey we're all a work in progress!

     I think in God's silence is when he's doing the most work for us. He works even in the silence, even in the darkness, even in the hurting, He's working it all out for our good. I think it was hard for me to grasp to begin with because I had abandonment issues. It felt as if God abandoned me when he was silent, when I didn't feel his presence. I had to continually remind myself that God's goodness and his promises aren't based on my feelings. "Even if" I don't get what I want, the way I want it, He is still a good and faithful God. 

    It's easy to worry and get caught up in the "what ifs" that life gives us. We all tend to play out different scenarios for situations. I tell my kids all the time, that their "what if" monster is showing when they start the questioning. [Anxiety shows up in all ages y'all.] This week, my ''what ifs'' have been small, but there nonetheless. I've had to continually tell myself "Even if."  Even if Nathan doesn't consistently gain weight, God is still good. Even if he has to continue to stay on oxygen, he is still a faithful God. Even if I don't make it to the hospital in time for his bath, he was still taken care of by his wonderful nurses. Even if I don't get to call until 10pm to check in on him, God is still looking after him when I can't. EVEN IF things don't go our way, GOD is still GOOD, even in the silence, even in the darkness, even in the hurting, he is still a good God. Sometimes God makes us wait longer, because the blessing is bigger. Be patient.

 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve can deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.

 Daniel 3:17-18