NICU Week 3- A step back to move forward

 The thing about a premature baby is you don't know what they're capable of. It is all about adjustments here and there, to see how the baby acts to know if they're ready for that step. Of course, they have guidelines and certain criteria at certain ages of what a baby should be ready for, but not all babies are the same. I think the same can be said about anyone at any age.

Since 2012, A favorite quote of mine has been,

  "You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice". -Bob Marley

This has been the case with Nathan and his oxygen. We don't know how strong he is until we give him no other choice except to show us. At 15 days old, they took him off of CPAP and he did good on his own for a day. But by that night he was worn out. So they put him back on oxygen at a lower level to see if that was enough to combat his fatigue. And it was! Then 8 days later they took away his oxygen again. He did great for almost three whole days. I was ecstatic. Then he had a rough night on Wednesday, his O2 levels dipped several times during the night, especially during feeds. While he was being fed, he would forget to breathe. Which isn't uncommon for a baby his age. (31w4d) But it also wasn't what I wanted to hear. He was doing so well for the past few days, naturally, I wanted to continue climbing up this mountain without any setbacks. 

Yesterday(9/5) at 8:30am rounds, the Doctor decided to watch him for the day before deciding whether or not to put him back on oxygen. But while I was holding him during his 9am feed, Nathan's oxygen levels rapidly decreased into the 50s.  I'm glad the nurses were watching him, as they immediately started to stimulate him and get him breathing correctly again. While I sat there feeling helpless for all of 5 seconds, it felt like minutes to this momma. [Not knowing what to do to help your child, no matter their age, is always a tough situation to be in.] Nathan showed us that he wasn't quite ready to breathe on his own just yet. Sometimes it's best to take a step back before you can move forward and my 3-week old baby boy just reminded me of that. You have to learn to walk before you can run.

This NICU journey is teaching me more about life than I ever thought possible. It's definitely teaching me to trust in the Lord more than I already do. I think when you start to trust God's plans for your life, it's a lot like learning to breathe. We may think we're good and ready to tackle life on our own. But then we start running out of breath and realize that we still need him every step of the way. 

Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths.  Proverbs 3:5-6